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5 years 6 months ago #13033 by grappers
grappers replied the topic: Introduce Yourself Here.....
Hi and welcome to the forum weather, yet another story outlining the hazards of anti-epileptic and anti-depressant, I too can not tolerate these sort of medications, the last attempt was an anti-depressant and that was last year, they decided half a child's dose would not cause any problems and then thought they could slowly increase it until I was on full adults dose, under a week on the low dose and my wife started to pick up the signs of my personality changing, mood swings with outburst of anger and she told them straight away there was no way she was going to go through that again.
We are the innocent ones caught in the trap as we have no idea that we change that much and cause so many around us to get upset with our behaviour, it nearly cost me my marriage. They say it will only be short term as you get use to the medication the symptoms will subside, well for a few of us they get worse and it can be hard to be believed, depression I have battled for years and have learnt to deal with that in my own way as medication only adds to the severity, and during one of these trials on this type of medication the easy way out nearly came to fulfilment.
Anyway welcome aboard Don

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5 years 6 months ago #13035 by weather
weather replied the topic: Introduce Yourself Here.....
can't sleep, but thanks again everyone.

Grappers what you said really struck a chord in me because during one severe depressive episode, one of the worst actually, I was on anti-depressants, anti-epileptics AND anti-psychotics and I kept checking out, literally leaving my body but what kept bringing me crashing back in was the shocking pain in my back. I also had a CAT team on my case. I'm in VIC do they have them in other states? That was such a surreal situation I don't even know how to describe how much worse it made me and I would sit there as they barged in everyday for 2 weeks straight sometimes with 30 seconds notice and forced me to take these pills in front of them. There would be between 3-5 of them and they all just spoke about me right in front of me but hardly ever to me and you made me remember I kept trying to tell them how much pain I was in, they thought mental anguish which was there too but I kept saying no I can hardly walk, I'm in absolute agony and they said it was from depression and the walking problem was from the high dose of anti psychotics and epileptics. I was doped to the eye balls and they said we'll have you back at work in 2 days and that's when I absolutely let rip. I said I have to DRIVE around all day everyday, why don't you all take one of these RIGHT now and go off driving. It's so beyond unimaginable negligence I can't believe you all said and agreed upon that. If I'm right and you said about me not being able to walk from the meds then how neglectful is it of all of you to even think I should get behind the wheel of a car. Please explain that to me because I'm about to lose the power of speech. They looked at me in shock as they realised what they had said and all 5 had agreed upon it without asking me a thing. They were snapped out of their delusional la la land and left red faced very quickly. Only 2 at a time ever came back for a few more days and I was off work for another 2 months mainly from pain because I stopped taking those pills. Yet I still didn't see it because I was convinced I was having a severe depressive episode, which I was but it was triggered off from pain and I didn't know any different

When you don't know what wrong with you and you're depressed and end up with a CAT team on your case force feeding toxic poison you, you have to play the game and take them because otherwise they sanction you and it's off to the psych ward from hell, well where I was living then had the worst psych ward in Melbourne.

Even though my pain was probably the worst ever last year in winter, I've not had depression since I got diagnosed properly 2 years ago. I just wished I had put it all together sooner than ending up back on those pills again and going off tap from the psych meds and alway ending up so much worse. Yes I still get the blues but I've never looked back down that rabbit hole since and if I was going to, last winter in Melbourne was going to do it to me but it never happened.

W

I react to 80% of medications very differently to others, DO NOT EVER let one one MY stories EVER stop you from trying something. We are all so different. It might be the key to relieving your CP. May your trip on The-Med-Go-Round be a short one!

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5 years 6 months ago - 5 years 6 months ago #13038 by di
di replied the topic: Introduce Yourself Here.....
Hi weather,

Wow... thanks for sharing your story. I have to race out right now because I'm running late but I can't wait to catch up with you when I get back tonight.

:huh: oops! missing the 'e'



Di
Last Edit: 5 years 6 months ago by di.
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5 years 6 months ago #13040 by grappers
grappers replied the topic: Introduce Yourself Here.....
Weather for very long time I had the same problem with sleep, going up to 4 days before crashing, this is another grey area in the CP battle, little has been done to resolve it, I went to sleep clinics, different doctors and specialists, even tried hypnoses, medication was prescribed in the way of sleeping tablets they increased with strength and the number taken only to make sleeping worse, so off I came, there lied another problem I had to virtually go cold turkey, what should have taken over 6 months with the aid of other medication was done in 4 weeks and nothing, withdrawals shocking, it will be the same with the only pain killer I can tolerate if or when they or I decide to come off. I have just had a spinal stimulator implanted and so far the pain is manageable, and there has been no indication that they are going to take me off the pain killer so far.

Don

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5 years 6 months ago #13041 by BIY
BIY replied the topic: Introduce Yourself Here.....
Hi Weather,

Sorry you had such a bad night re sleep...one of the side effects of CP unfortunately; sleep is so unpredictable and elusive which sets up a viscous circle of lowering cop-ability, increasing pain and depression. I do laugh to myself when I read some literature which says "it's important to have a good night's sleep"...well, duh, would if I could!!

It's terrible that you have had this bad experience with psychiatrists. I have had a pretty crap experience of them too. But then, like all professions, there's good ones and bad ones. Grappers will tell you that he has a fantastically supportive psychiatrist.

Unfortunately, until they find a better way of diagnosing CP, Fibromyalgia etc, doctor's have the tendency to put anything they can't 'fix' into the psychiatric basket. It is terrible being on the receiving end of this and I feel your anguish because I have been through similar myself.

I realised that I wasn't doing myself any favours, though, by staying angry about it. Those incompetent ones who had treated me had moved on and had no idea the angst that I was going through reliving the horrible experience in my mind over and over. All I was doing was hurting myself by keeping the horribleness alive which caused me extra stress and, in turn, increased my pain levels.

Has your psychologist done any Acceptance Commitment Therapy with you and Mindfulness? It's often used by psychologists at pain management clinics now to help with CP. I also found reading "The Reality Slap" by Russ Harris also helped me with letting go of some of the anger. I was carrying a huge amount of it because if I had been diagnosed and correctly treated at the time of the injury, my condition may possibly have not become chronic...a huge thing to let go of!

What I've found in this CP journey is that because it is such new breakthrough medical science, a lot of the medical profession is just feeling their way through treatment for our conditions in most cases because of lack of knowledge. And, believe me, if you were able to see all the rest of the threads that have disappeared for the moment because of software upgrade hiccups, it is a continuing journey of coming across medical professionals that don't get it or understand or treat incorrectly through ignorance. Chronic Pain Australia is trying to remedy this through raising awareness of CP, but it will be a long slow journey to filter down the ranks.

Is there something that you are able to do (given your current pain levels and limitations) that could take your mind off the horrible experience you have had? I ask this not to discount what you have been through as it has been horrendous. I ask from the perspective to give your mind and emotions a rest from it so that you may be able to find a little peace and pleasure for your own self in amongst this horribleness. For me; it has been discovering mixed media painting. When I am up to it and able, I find it gives me distraction from both the pain and all the medical crap that goes along with having CP.

Wishing you all the best for your day,
Hugs,
Fee
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5 years 6 months ago #13043 by grappers
grappers replied the topic: Introduce Yourself Here.....
Weather Fee is correct my treating psychiatrist and the pain unit I have nothing but admiration for, I have had a few bad ones in the past and especially through the emergency department, but this guy is completely different, he has always listened to my concerns regarding medication, has agreed and informed all doctors within the pain clinic of my intolerance to medication, even written to my GP, he is also the one who pushed the hospital to get my stimulator implant, otherwise I would still be on a waiting list, I was informed when I was told that this stim would be my last chance at any sort of pain relief and in the same breath was told there were thousands waiting and they only do 3 implants each year. This psychiatrist has seen what medication has caused me, seen me after not having any sleep for 4 days and the affect this was having on me personally and those around me. He would ring me at home to see how I was getting on and kept reassuring me that he was on my case and pushing as much as he can and for that I am thankful as I know have the implant a lot earlier than I should have. In fact I have an appointment with him today it will be the first time I have seen him since the implant and I am sure he will get a shock as my facial appearance has changed for the better, no more sagging black rings around my eyes and my face has sort of filled out not drawn out like before, and of course a lot happier as I now get a good nights sleep, and he will now know he can stop worrying about me doing self harm, this was always brought into the open at previous visits because I would get into these deep black holes of depression caused by pain and little sleep.

Don

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