I read your message and parts of it resonate with how I have felt many times, I had a friend die from terminal pancreatic cancer, he wasn't a close buddy type friend .. but a friend I respected and liked. He had a young family from a 2nd marriage and financially he was well off, before he was diagnosed he was always living life to the fullest, after he was diagnosed he grasped life even more and ticked off many things to do before you die, he created so many wonderful memories for his family, he let nothing stop him no matter how ill he felt, I respected him before but to see how he dealt with his own body failing him without complaining ... well to say I felt inadequate with my own aches and pains would be an understatement, here was a man who had it all, but he was as mortal as anyone else, he never gave up and it was how he dealt with his time left that has stayed with me ...
I have a glow star on our bedroom ceiling and each night after I turn off the light and get into bed I look at that star and I say goodnight to all our family and friends who have died and that I'm doing ok ... and you will be too. Chin up Mango
Just wondering..does anyone here find the Christmas period particularly difficult to deal with? I always seem to find myself struggling with depression, anxiety and deep homesickness at this time of year and feel the loss of my parents very acutely. Being dragged from one place to the other, visiting people I know I have to see, but don't want to, scrimping to come up with the dosh to help out my daughter and grand kids and all the extra work in cooking and food prep and trawling the shopping centre for affordable, (hah!), presents, along with hours of sitting uncomfortably in the car or at someone's house, makes me feel so ill with pain. I paste a happy expression on my face and get through it, but inside I feel so resentful and sad and my pain levels really go through the roof...if anyone else struggles like this, I'd love to know. Misery loves company, after all..
Thanks for replying, Michael. Everyone I know has both or one of their parents alive and if not close by, at least a phone call away. I grew up in a small coastal village in Wales and I used to love winter..the snow, sledging, snowball fights, eating icicles on the way to school, watching snow flakes land on the window glass and examining them with a magnifying glass. I handled Christmas over here fine when my daughter was young and my parents were alive. Living on the coast in NSW and WA made it easier, as there is always something to do when you're near the ocean, but now I'm in inland regional QLD, away from the sea and having a daily battle with flies, ticks and mozzies, not to mention the disabling heat, (I feel pain more when its hot). I struggle with a disconnect from society when I'm like this...hate being around happy people, just want to slap 'em, hate having to explain why I feel so down, to people who've never suffered through losing loved ones suddenly. Just so over it. I'm not religious per se, that is I feel nothing but contempt for organised religion, especially the christian faith, as some factions are so two faced.. I don't believe the bible is the word of god as it was written by a bunch of fellas who had nothing better to do on the weekend and the celebration of the birth of Jesus, who was undoubtedly a great salesman if nothing else, has been turned into a capitalisitc orgy of spending and debt. Homesickenss is the hardest thing to deal with, though. Now that we pensioners are not allowed out of the country for more than three weeks before losing our payments, means that I'm bloody stuck here, with no family of my own. Desperate to see them and the homesickness is like a physical illness. I can't sleep and my anxiety is through the roof and typically, physical pain manifests itself, stronger than before.
Stop being so bloody maudlin Xmas is an overrated way for big business to sell ship loads of crap that last approx two weeks before they break .
We have rationalised our Xmas and we really on secret Santa so far he’s fitted down our chimney even though it’s not connected to the house and it’s made of cardboard boxes .
We have a budget and so far nobody has stuck to it as we are allowed to make gifts which can be surprising to say the least .
We have three grand daughters and by next Xmas we’ll have four grand children so our family is growing so far we haven’t lost either of our parents the eldest is 85 .
I am one of the few that don’t believe in the bible and Jesus was the first university bum with a “Romans Go Home” poster, they put him on the cross ,as we know stealing a loaf of bread in the 1700’s meant you were sent to the colonies so the cross was a lucky break or him.
I believe in Santa,the tooth fairy,Mother Nature ,Father Time,Jack Frost and the Easter bunny and my argument is just because I haven’t seen them doesn’t mean they don’t exist , just like all of these religions believing in a god they’ve never seen !
I hope I haven’t stirred a pot of hatred I just hope we can all have a lovely Xmas and enjoy it if not with family with friends and myalgic1 where about in Qld are you .
as long as I wake up alive I'm happy
Because it could be worse
Sure you're not Tony Dalton, (my dad), reincarnated into the body of Johnno? You sounded just like him in your opening sentence. I'm not okay in the least. That mongrel black dog is nipping at my heels, as he does from time to time. I won't write anymore about the trouble I'm having with depression and anxiety at the moment, as it doesn't really have any relevance to this website, other than the well known idea that your mental state can affect your pain levels. I'll be back firing on all fours once the happy season is over, though I shall probably remain as the cynical and grumpy bugger who collects cats and mumbles profanity at annoying people. People often quote, Charles Dickens with, 'bah! Humbug!', at this time of year and I guess this epitomises my sentiments, although so does, "he wore the chains he forged in life". I'm in Cambooya, Johnno. It's a nice place, though too bloody hot in summer, but the pub's next door and they do a great feed on Tuesdays with the, 'two for one T bone'. I'm just another expat who struggles with homesickness. Had I grown up in Manchester, or Wrexham I wouldn't feel the same way, I'm sure, but because I was lucky to live in such a beautiful, wild place, I find I can't let it go...even after over twenty years of being here. I sincerely hope that I haven't upset anyone with my wallow and self pity. I just needed to articulate what was going on in my head or go mad.