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3 months 1 week ago #28554 by Mango
Mango replied the topic: Nope
Honestly, Nope. I can’t help feeling “I’m done”.

The latest from my doc is he wants me to try an antidepressent for anxiety. I’m not depressed. I am miserable, I am fed up, I am exhausted, I am struggling, but I’m not depressed. I’ve been there many, many times. I’ve been to Lucifer’s basement so many times I have a gold pass.

For the first time in 25 years I was finally in the best place I have been. I was active and present in my life. The Lyrica has been a god send for me. And thankfully I only need a low dose (50mg at night) for such great results. I was feinting due to ear pain/banging three to four times a day. And now (as long as I avoid Aldis) I haven’t feinted or even been close to it for so long. I was actually able to school pick up for my 5 year old niece. I was on the lowest dose of codiene I had ever been on. For the first time in 25 years I felt hope, I was even considering trying volunteering at an op shop for a couple of hours a week.

Then suddlenly some idiot in government (that’s how I feel, I’m sure he’s not really an idiot) decided that codiene was the big bad and would no longer be avaialble to people like me. And WHAM! Here I am back struggling. I’ve retreated as much as I can back into my house. I’ve been unable to commit to school pick up for my niece. I am spending so many nights in tearsdue to pain, and thinking stupid things. And its not that I want out, but I just want to sleep. And that is when I do silly things. So I doubled, or on some occassions, tripled up on temazapam (max of 30mg in total) just to sleep.

For 25 years I have been led down a path... in fact I once had a doc tell me I could take as many codis (dissovable aspirin and 10mg codiene) as I wanted. Litereally as many as I wanted. As it had no paracetamol, I could just take them. Back then they were easy to get, they came in packs of 96. And I lived in the city, so it was dead easy. And the doc was fine with that, infct he TOLD me to just go toa different chemist if my usual one baulked. There was one on just about every block.

Yes I know now that doc was a knob. But at that time he gave me permission to eat codiene like smarties. And I like Smarties. That was when I was still working, so that was more than 15 years ago now. And looking back that started my misuse of codiene. But over the years I have worked out that was not the answer, and with the help of my current doc, I got down to the lowest dose ever. And HE was happily giving me a script every week, knowing I was taking it just at night.

Then on Feb 1st he says, nope no more. After much confusion and mixed messages about how codiene is now scheduled and able to be used. But he didn’t offer any substitute for the codiene. Other than telling me “you are stronger than you think”. So in desperation on the bad nights, I doubled up on the Temaze. I told him this and he says, yep that’s ok. Until last week when he says “No... we can’t do this any more, I will only give you one script a month from now on”...... And he suggested an antidep for anxiety. Which we will discuss this week.

But I am so sick and tired of being told xyz one day, being led along for years, finally getting to a point where I feel I can cope with life and be plugged into the world. And now I’m being told abc.... and I’m done. The thought of finding a new doc is terrifying. My doc is good, I like him. He’s usually right to the point and tells me as it is. But the last couple of months he has left me feeling completely confused and just done. I’m just so done.

I don’t have active thoughts of “Option 4” but if I didn’t wake up tomorrow that would be a good thing. It would be over. Mum would get a new car thanks to my insurance, and I have arranged legacy homes for my cats. So if it did happen, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. I’m just so exhausted and sick of feeling like I am fighting the very peole who have told me everything I think I know.

I have no idea if anyone has made it to here, or even understands what I am trying to say. So if you have made it to here, thank you, at least someone hears me. I’m so sick of saying “I am in pain, I need help at night” only to feel like all my doc and family hears is “I want codiene” .... I don’t. I’m actually happy I’m codiene free, and I’m sure my liver and kidneys are too. But I do eant help at night so I can sleep. That’s all I want. Sleep. At night. Sleep is the only time I get any relief, and without it I can’t cope during the day. I know many of you are in similar boats. I’m just done. I’m sorry.

I am so, so, sorry. I try to be hopeful and positive here, as I know how damn miserable this CP life is. But I just don’t know where I go from here. I see my doc on Thursday, but don’t hold great hope of anything new. The last three times I have seen him have all een the same. I tell him I am struggling and he tells me “you are stronger than you think” and I leave in tears and just completely deflated. I live in a medium sized town, with three doc clinics. My doc is an owning partner at the big clinic, there’s the other big one, and the really bad one that I have vowed never to set foot in again. Maybe this week will be different. Something has to change.

Again I am sorry for being a Mango Downer.

"It's time to play the game" HHH

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3 months 1 week ago #28555 by Peter
Peter replied the topic: Nope
Mango, you need to go find another doctor, because this one is not that good if they say they can't prescribe Codeine anymore. They are not telling you the truth. There is nothing stopping them from giving you codeine. Heck, I just got a new script for Panadeine Forte from my doctor a week or so ago.

I thought you had already challenged your doctor on this and they conceded that they got it wrong?
So what happened?

Peter

I wish the ring (this Chronic Pain) had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. (Frodo Baggins)

So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to us. (Gandalf the Grey)

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3 months 1 week ago #28556 by Peter
Peter replied the topic: Nope
Another thing Mango. Tell your doctor you are feeling suicidal and tell him that he has to listen to you and stop telling you that "you're stronger than you think."

Also, please phone Lifeline if you really feel bad. They may be able to help in some way. www.lifeline.org.au/

If you can't get anything out of this doctor Thursday, you have to go to another one and ask for some assistance. Maybe a specialist or something more constructive.

I wish the ring (this Chronic Pain) had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. (Frodo Baggins)

So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to us. (Gandalf the Grey)
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3 months 1 week ago #28557 by Mango
Mango replied the topic: Nope
Yeah I did. He said he’d used the wrong term, he told me it was “an authority script and I wouldnt qualify to be prescribed it” but what he meant was “that it is now sceduled and will be reported to some government department somewher and it will be flagged and he’ll be told he can’t give it to me amy more.” Becuase I use it long term. Or somethng. End result, the same he’s not allowed to prescribe me codiene because I use it for chronic pain.

As for finding a new doc, I’m terrified of them seeing and or hearing the same thing “I want codiene”

I really don’t know what to do. He’s been such a good doc the last 6 years or so, but the last two months I feel like I’m just slowly sinking and he’s just telling me “you can swim” when I actually can’t.

"It's time to play the game" HHH

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3 months 1 week ago #28558 by Peter
Peter replied the topic: Nope
Well I can tell you now that if he told you that he can't give it to you for the reasons you stated above, then he is not telling the truth. I have been on Codeine for a long time too and also for chronic pain. So how is it that my doctor can make the phone call and get the authority script without any questions. While I am sitting there listening too????

I would question this guy and ask him to be more honest, but if he is going to refuse to prescribe you a drug you know works, then ask him to give you something that will work and can be used to replace the Codeine.

Also, you need to start talking to your local member and making some more inquiries outside of your community to see if there is anyway you can get help from another doctor.

I travel 50 kilometres to see my doctor. That's a 100 k trip there and back. I have a first aid hospital in my town and a doctors clinic too that has over half a dozen GPs in it. None of the doctors in my town will support me taking anything for chronic pain, so I had to look around.

I know it is hard, but you need to lay it on the line with this doctor and don't pussy foot around with him. Tell him straight up that what he has done, has made you feel suicidal. If that is the truth that is. Don't say it if it is not true. He needs to know you are not able to cope without some sort of pain killer. And Lyrica is not a pain killer for chronic pain. It is used for neuropathic pain. I use it too and also only take 50 mg once a day, at night. And it works pretty good. But it does nothing for all the pain I suffer in my neck, shoulder and head, or legs, hips and knees. Then there is all the pain in my muscles too. The codeine I take actually works, but I can only take smallish doses of it, because a bit too much and it makes me sick.

I hope you'll consider speaking to this doctor and telling him he is way off the mark if he thinks you are handling this and that he must give you some quality replacement for the Codeine.


Peter

I wish the ring (this Chronic Pain) had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. (Frodo Baggins)

So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to us. (Gandalf the Grey)
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3 months 1 week ago #28560 by Mango
Mango replied the topic: Nope
Thank You Peter.

For me suicidal is an active thought. Right now its more a passive thought, I wouldn’t action it, but if I didn’t wake up, that wouldn’t be a bad thing. I don’t know if that makes sense.

I think I am flogging a dead horse with the codiene discussion. But I do need to get it through to him I am struggling. I guess I will see what Thursday brings.

I already travel 30 mins to town. There is another small town a little further out that has a clinic. If I can’t get through to my doc, I can try that one. And again it will depend on their air con system. My clinic is ok. The other big clinic is no good, I feint there.

Maybe its time to write him a letter. That seemed to get through to him last time.
Thanks Peter.
Mango

"It's time to play the game" HHH

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