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Diving into a Hopeless Hole

  • Shellpain
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1 year 4 months ago #26957 by Shellpain
Shellpain created the topic: Diving into a Hopeless Hole
Most days im all "Too blessed to be stressed" but they takes so much energy that every now and again I dive head first into absolute despair.

That was today.

Today I cried. Im 42. I ache all over. I can't sit through a meal. I cant stand without swaying. GPs act like this is just temporary. Pain Medicine Specialist just up dosage. Physio wants me to take it slow and lose weight but slowly "10kgs over 2yrs"!!??!!

My spine has the wear and tear of 78yo yet my 82yo mother in law is one of the fittest people I know.

I took my kids to the Zoo...and saw stars every few meters, envying people in wheelchairs.

Today i hit a low point. Today i wished for something I could never say out loud. Today i wished I had cancer and cried behind a locked bathroom door knowing my young family and supportive friends dont deserve that. Today I was done explaining to people what chronic pain was, why im strugglling to keep my 15hr a week job, why the thought of a picnic/concert/night out dancing gives me anxiety....today i dived head first into a low point.

But today will be over in less than an hour and i know I'll wake up, get up, pop my pills, make my kids breakfast, hug my husband and utter to myself Too Blessed To Be Stressed. I'll feel the pain in every inch of my body and embrace it that it could be worse..and if this is my worst...ill be grateful.

But it wont be tomorrow for another 45mins. So im pouring my heart out to a group that understands pain like no other group can. Today im putting my hand up and saying "Im struggling! Help me!" But at the stroke of midnight, ill say, "F* you, i wont be defeated!"

Stay strong.
Strength in numbers.
Be kind to yourself

Sometimes you can have all the help you want..but if you dont feel like you're going to get through it - nothing helps.

Have your low moments...the best thing about hitting rock bottom you cant get any lower. Only way is up...dust yourself and soldier on.

#makemypainyourfriend

Make pain your friend. Make it your kryptonite. Make it your superpower. Every time you (eventually) go to sleep be proud of yourself that you got through another day. I may not be in good shape but dealing with my pain has given me a six-pack spirit. Too blessed to be defeated (EllyLahLah)

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1 year 4 months ago #26958 by jo.m
jo.m replied the topic: Diving into a Hopeless Hole
Hey EllyLahLah,
Glad you felt you could come here to offload :)

It was all so familiar to me when I was reading it :( and I'm sure to many others on here. So having somewhere you can come and everyone 'gets it' makes the burden somewhat feel a little less I think?

Never apologise for what you are thinking or feeling as it can eat away at you.

I hope today is a better day for you and everyone else out there, take care.

Jo :)

"Just thinkin' about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'til there's none

When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely
I just stick out my chin and grin and say, oh

The sun will come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on
'til tomorrow, come what may!"

Annie - The Movie
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